WASHINGTON — The State Department announced Tuesday that hostilities with Iran must continue through September to ensure full utilization of the defense appropriation. Officials explained that returning unspent funds would trigger an audit, making peace fiscally irresponsible. "We literally cannot afford to stop shooting until November," said Assistant Secretary for Fiscal Warfare Douglas Brink.
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
State Department Confirms War Will Continue Until Q3 Budget Surplus Is Exhausted
Expert Weighs In
“We literally cannot afford to stop shooting until November.”
⚠️ Satirical article. Expert quotes are fictional.
