WASHINGTON — Attorney General Pam Bondi announced Thursday the creation of a $1.7 billion federal restitution program to compensate Trump associates who endured the profound trauma of having prosecutors ask them questions while they were trying to run the country.

The Loyalty Hardship Fund, housed in a newly renamed wing of the Robert F. Kennedy Building, will disburse payments on a sliding scale based on the indignity suffered: subpoena recipients receive a baseline six-figure sum, while those who sat for depositions can claim up to $4 million in emotional-duress damages.

"These patriots were forced to retain counsel, ride elevators past reporters, and in some cases even say 'on advice of counsel' when they would have preferred to answer," Bondi said at a press conference flanked by a giant novelty check made out to an anonymous LLC. "The Constitution never envisioned due process being so personally inconvenient."

Early applicants include a former campaign chairman whose application cited the cruel and unusual experience of being provided a cot rather than a pillow-top mattress during his brief federal detention.